Communication

Communication starts with listening and the challenge is that every person wants the other to be the listener. And the problem does not end there- listening till now has been differentiated only from the word “hear”. And I believe that is the biggest challenge. Because listening is not only different from hearing- it means using more than your ears.

Listening has to do with Ears, Eyes and Heart- or else how do mothers listen to their children even when they can’t speak.

Yes that is how we mostly listen- rather would say most of us hear.

We hear – we take half the information- as per our convenience and we ignore the other half. So inspite of various learning sessions on listening - most of us actually do not listen to the complete information. And believe me – it has nothing to do with our listening ability or comprehending ability. It has ALL to do with our lack of interest in the other person. We are not concerned and that is why we generally fail to listen.

Some Tips for Good Listening

1. When you listen or intend to listen, stop other work/things that you are doing. When you listen, focus or you might miss some of the important things. You might just miss the body language of the speaker or you might not notice his reason for speaking up. Interpret both words and emotions. The spoken word is only one component of what is being "said." The vocal tone, the inflections and facial expressions also "speak" volumes. The speaker's emotion is an excellent indicator of his or her true feelings regarding the subject matter. "Listening" to all the elements present within the speaker can capture the subtlety and subtext of an entire talk. Get the whole message by paying attention to the emotions behind the words. Listen with your Heart
2. When you listen – listen without thinking in your mind what answer you want to give. Well this is the most difficult trap because as I am writing this I know how difficult it is to actually follow. The reason is that we all love our own voice. We need to prove at times “look I know something about what you said”. Do not interrupt. Regardless of the setting, any interruption will decrease effective communication. Always remember the difference between a question and an interruption.
3. Also as the story above said when you listen, listen with your eyes. Well that does not mean we have to peep into the speaker’s eyes but that does mean – we have to have to look at his/her face and pay attention. So what is the difference in being focused and looking into the face?  The difference is that while the former shall ensure that you do not miss anything- the latter shall make sure that the speaker feels respected. And that is important. Speaker feels wanted and he /she knows that she is being listened to…
4. Make sure that when the person has completed, you are able to comprehend it rightly- may be as a practice –putting it across in different way and get a nod on it. Ensure a complete understanding of what has been said by offering a quick summary. You will demonstrate an impressive command of the situation with the ability to instantly digest and summarize the other person's key points. Not only are you exhibiting an indispensable skill, but also you are complementing the speaker by displaying attentiveness to the speaker and the speaker's ideas.
5. Most of us start sharing our own experience while relating to the subject the person is speaking about. Remember it’s about the person who is there to speak out and not you. As a listener our first task is to listen completely. Sharing your own experience can be there only if required and that too when the speaker has finished.
6. When you ask questions- pause to listen to answers. This a common example- when we meet someone –or talk over phone- we ask how are you-hope all ok. But do we really mean it? Or is it just the ice breaker. Let’s become more genuine and really interested if we ask such questions. Otherwise just skip such questions for which you do not seek answers.

Some Quick Listening Tips for Group Chat /conversations

Digitization- has made many other communication modes possible and few mediums are whatsapp chat, calls through technology like Google meets, Zoom and many more.

1. On a chat messenger- I have often observed people sending repeated posts- this somewhat shows that in general people forward what they like –without even realizing that it is a duplicate post. This also shows that earlier posts were not paid attention to or listened to. So make a habit of trying not to forward posts randomly- see if it has earlier been posted. And if you are attentive in a group chat- then you will remember this.
2. Be sensitive. In one of the group chats I observed that a member posted the sad news of demise of her father & then messages of RIP flooded. Let us be more sensitive- if we really care, then a RIP will not console the person- yes a phone call may do. And to put an icing on the cake- after a lot of RIP messages- someone was careless enough to post pictures of the GOOD food that was cooked by her. Remember listening is not only through ears or eyes it is also through heart. So listen with empathy/sympathy and when you do it- mean it.
3. When you are responding to a message especially in a formal group chat- emojis like thumbs-up, claps are shortcuts and as per my belief, these are shortcuts to appreciate. Remember if you appreciate, acknowledgement or listening to the achievements should be responded as well expressed words. Life is getting devoid of real emotions- not because we have smaller hearts but because we feel we have less time and so shortcuts have affected our communication style also.

And at the end I would like to conclude that most barriers and differences would be sorted if we listen rather than talking.